I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
