party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
