I can feel you judging me through the phone.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
