Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
