I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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