I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
