I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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