now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
