dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
