if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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