so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
