thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
