Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
