last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
