you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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