Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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