it wasn't lemon gatorade
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
