Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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