Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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