Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
