Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
