If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
