hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
