This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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