Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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