i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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