So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
