I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
