Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
