ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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