The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
