Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
We smell like vodka and hangover
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