Cold hands, warm shart.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
