Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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