Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
