Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
