Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
A bitchslap is in order.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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