I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
