I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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