playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
