I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she peed on how many people?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
