he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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