Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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