somebody snuck up and got me drunk
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
