Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
