Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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