My hand turned me down
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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