i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
