Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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