I'm really into asian looking animals
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
