PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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