Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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